It’s been busy busy...
Sorry I haven’t written in a while but having a sick 6 years old and a spouse has been a challenge, cleaning everything consistently so that the baby and I don’t get sick it’s exhausting, going to the hospital a few times, going to my appointments, baby having fuzzy nights... yeah barely no sleep. I can say now with certainty that who ever has more than 2 kids, you ladies/guys are the real MVP because I know for sure I can not do it. I don’t know how my mom survived with 3 kids close in age, I tell her all the time I finally understand why we played so much outside, had summer camps, had activities in the church, etc. She needed her breaks, it was always her or our grandma taking care of us. So cheers 🥂 to her and everyone who does/done it.
Had my few sets of appointments throughout this, saw my therapist and she suggested to have an hour a day to do something for myself without my girls, something I enjoy. Honestly I haven’t been able to take an hour but I have been taking a little bit longer in the shower, just to have that “me time” she said. But I guess when my mom finally moved in with me that would be easier to do 🤞🏼. Also I’ve set (a few times now, since they keep canceling them) my last hearing test to finally know what is going to happen with my hearing, for y’all that don’t know, back in May I lost my hearing on my left side, no infection, no pain, no warning. Had done some testings and no brain tumor 🙌🏻 Nothing looks out of place or damaged 👌🏼 But completely lost it. (Scary for just a 28 years old) So the doctors are doing one last test to pretty much determine what type of hearing aid I’ll be using, unfortunately it will be for the rest of my life because I will never regain my hearing on that side, but hopefully with the aid I’ll be able to get some sort of normalcy, do and go to certain places again, not be lost on house parties ( cuz of the noise and everyone talking at the same time) be able to be in bigger areas with different noises and be able to distinguish each sound, be able to focus on one voice or sound and still be aware of my surroundings, and be able to sleep on my right side again 😂.
Hopefully everything turns out alright and my juggling skills will get better once I have my expert mother come and help me 😁 since she did this with 3 little ones! But I do know I’ve gotten better at juggling house and kids. Honestly though best wishes to everyone who does it with little to no help with more than 2 and close in age, because having the age gap has helped me juggle better. I’m here cheering for y’all as I hope y’all cheer for me! 🥂
Feb 25, 2020
Feb 14, 2020
Valentine
My Valentine
My forever valentine.... you’ll always be unconditionally loved, perfect in your own infinite world, anything and everything you do is and will be praised, your words may seemed without worth but to me is worthy of all. Every step, achievement, goal gives me joy. Growing and learning will never get old, together will conquer all, knowing what I know... anywhere you’ll go, no matter how long you’ll be gone... forever be my hearts soul. As the years go, I’ll never forget our hearts song, even though someone else will hold you close. To all the years together and apart you’ll always be my one true love.
My forever valentine.... you’ll always be unconditionally loved, perfect in your own infinite world, anything and everything you do is and will be praised, your words may seemed without worth but to me is worthy of all. Every step, achievement, goal gives me joy. Growing and learning will never get old, together will conquer all, knowing what I know... anywhere you’ll go, no matter how long you’ll be gone... forever be my hearts soul. As the years go, I’ll never forget our hearts song, even though someone else will hold you close. To all the years together and apart you’ll always be my one true love.
Feb 7, 2020
Seventh
February 7
The day I came to this world, a day where everyone gets excited about the day they were born, right? This year I think for the first time in my life I'm not looking forward to it, I guess with everything going on in my life I'm just not excited to celebrate my birthday. I have realized that I am alone, no friends, nobody to celebrate it with, no one to actually call and wish me the best (besides mom) yes I will spend time with my daughters but I do that every day, not much of a difference there, sure I'll get the call or text from my mom and her FB post, probably my grandmother will do the same (without the FB post) and my 6-year-old will probably sing to me, but that's about it. Also, I'll get all the happy birthday wishes from all the FB ”friends” but those are just because Facebook reminds everyone, the same message will be said, ”HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR DAY” or ” HAVE AN AMAZING DAY”.
The reality is no one will actually call to say that, everyone just fades over time and honestly I sit here thinking about it and all the friends I used to hangout with, we’ve gone our separate ways and we don’t keep in touch with each other, so yeah they’ll fb celebrate the day but actually won’t reach out, just another day in the world. True it goes both ways and I haven’t been the best friend that I used to be, I don’t reach out anymore as well, I guess that’s why this year is harder, even though it’s been like that for a few years now, but with my vulnerability being at its peak, yeah I have realized how isolated I’ve put myself that I actually feel alone... Sad.
Yeah it's silly to talk about what you wish would happen, but I honestly can't change the fact that I put myself in this position as well, though I will try to change that from here on out, no one wants to feel alone on their birthday, no one wants to feel alone period. So yeah I may be being a bit dramatic about this, and yeah I know we all grow and go do our own things, but I just want to feel some kind of special on my day. I think this is why I don't look forward to it, I isolated from everyone, became someone different, and now lay in my bed wondering why did I do this to myself. I know it won't change unless I take the steps and do it, so I will try and hope for the best.
So to all my friends that over the years we have slowly lost contact, I'm sorry I've been a crappie friend, sorry I only reach out on your birthday on the most basic way, sorry if I didn't reach out at all. I will try to be different and try to actually reach out to you personally not only on your birthday but just randomly and see where you at in your journey in life. I hope y'all understand, forgive and move forward with our friendship.
Love y'all
Me 💜
The day I came to this world, a day where everyone gets excited about the day they were born, right? This year I think for the first time in my life I'm not looking forward to it, I guess with everything going on in my life I'm just not excited to celebrate my birthday. I have realized that I am alone, no friends, nobody to celebrate it with, no one to actually call and wish me the best (besides mom) yes I will spend time with my daughters but I do that every day, not much of a difference there, sure I'll get the call or text from my mom and her FB post, probably my grandmother will do the same (without the FB post) and my 6-year-old will probably sing to me, but that's about it. Also, I'll get all the happy birthday wishes from all the FB ”friends” but those are just because Facebook reminds everyone, the same message will be said, ”HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR DAY” or ” HAVE AN AMAZING DAY”.
The reality is no one will actually call to say that, everyone just fades over time and honestly I sit here thinking about it and all the friends I used to hangout with, we’ve gone our separate ways and we don’t keep in touch with each other, so yeah they’ll fb celebrate the day but actually won’t reach out, just another day in the world. True it goes both ways and I haven’t been the best friend that I used to be, I don’t reach out anymore as well, I guess that’s why this year is harder, even though it’s been like that for a few years now, but with my vulnerability being at its peak, yeah I have realized how isolated I’ve put myself that I actually feel alone... Sad.
Yeah it's silly to talk about what you wish would happen, but I honestly can't change the fact that I put myself in this position as well, though I will try to change that from here on out, no one wants to feel alone on their birthday, no one wants to feel alone period. So yeah I may be being a bit dramatic about this, and yeah I know we all grow and go do our own things, but I just want to feel some kind of special on my day. I think this is why I don't look forward to it, I isolated from everyone, became someone different, and now lay in my bed wondering why did I do this to myself. I know it won't change unless I take the steps and do it, so I will try and hope for the best.
So to all my friends that over the years we have slowly lost contact, I'm sorry I've been a crappie friend, sorry I only reach out on your birthday on the most basic way, sorry if I didn't reach out at all. I will try to be different and try to actually reach out to you personally not only on your birthday but just randomly and see where you at in your journey in life. I hope y'all understand, forgive and move forward with our friendship.
Love y'all
Me 💜
Feb 1, 2020
Mommas out there
To everyone who has read my posts:
Wanted to start by saying thanks to all that have read my post and have not been judging, as well for those who have reached out and said that they're here for me. Thanks for real, honestly with all my heart I appreciate it.
One of the main reasons I decided to use this blog again was to vent with the purpose of letting other mommas know that whatever they may be going through or maybe feeling, there are other mommas feeling or going through the same. For me the only way this can happen is by being completely honest and authentic about what’s really going on in my life, saying what I really feel and my real emotions. This is why I am appreciative of the fact that you guys/ladies have not only not judge me but have reached out to say that either they've gone through something similar or they here for me. So it does give me more strength to be more real with my feelings and keep pushing myself to communicate here and with my peeps, there are ladies out there who may be going through the same as me and they just need to see that they are not alone.
So I want to say to all those wonderful, Wonder Woman mommas out there that I am here for y’all too, as well never ever feel like you can’t reach out to someone or look for help, we’re all humans and we all have ups and downs. I ft that way and I'm realizing that you should never feel ashamed. So I promise to be more aware of my friends and those who reach out to me, we’re not alone, even when we feel like we are, let’s heal and progress together. We can do anything we put our minds to, let’s not let our feelings or emotions get the best of us, let's not let ourselves down, we can lift each other up and I am here for this! We can do it!
Love y’all
💪🏼😘
Wanted to start by saying thanks to all that have read my post and have not been judging, as well for those who have reached out and said that they're here for me. Thanks for real, honestly with all my heart I appreciate it.
One of the main reasons I decided to use this blog again was to vent with the purpose of letting other mommas know that whatever they may be going through or maybe feeling, there are other mommas feeling or going through the same. For me the only way this can happen is by being completely honest and authentic about what’s really going on in my life, saying what I really feel and my real emotions. This is why I am appreciative of the fact that you guys/ladies have not only not judge me but have reached out to say that either they've gone through something similar or they here for me. So it does give me more strength to be more real with my feelings and keep pushing myself to communicate here and with my peeps, there are ladies out there who may be going through the same as me and they just need to see that they are not alone.
So I want to say to all those wonderful, Wonder Woman mommas out there that I am here for y’all too, as well never ever feel like you can’t reach out to someone or look for help, we’re all humans and we all have ups and downs. I ft that way and I'm realizing that you should never feel ashamed. So I promise to be more aware of my friends and those who reach out to me, we’re not alone, even when we feel like we are, let’s heal and progress together. We can do anything we put our minds to, let’s not let our feelings or emotions get the best of us, let's not let ourselves down, we can lift each other up and I am here for this! We can do it!
Love y’all
💪🏼😘
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