Fly Peacock

Well...

I guess it's been a few days since I wrote, but Tuesday night was the night that made me feel like I will be able to get to where I need to be, see I have these two crazy amazing cousins that always find a way to make me see the light at the end of the tunnel while I laugh. See for some reason we decided to call our trio The Peacocks (hence the title)  I won't say they're real names but I'll stick with the nicknames we came up for each other. Pinky is the funniest person I have ever met in my life, see he's the type of person that finds humor in everything and anything, but also a very protective person when it comes to family, specifically with all the female cousins. Nena is... well nena, she's the one who kinda makes pinky and I her guardians but at the same time she's the one who checks up on us, individually and as a group.

They didn't know what I've been going through for the past 6 months and I finally decided to tell them what was going on with me, besides all the side jokes and all the laughing we did, Pinky made me realize that I also have to look internally and see if my wording is incorrect for my partner to understand what I'm talking about, he also said that making the steps that I'm making does show that I do want things to be different and that I do want to things to work out, as well to try some yoga and maybe some exercises to help me clear my mind, also confirmed that I am doing what I need to be doing and shouldn't feel like I've been feeling, but that is okay to feel it as well. Nena pretty much agreed with everything that Pinky and I said but also told me to not be the same person I was before if the outcome is the same, to be smarter and do what I need to do for the benefit of my 2 girls.

I gotta say to them thanks. Thanks Peacocks for letting me share a moment with y'all that is very uncomfortable for me, this whole thing of trying new things and being out of my comfort zone is new and I'm trying for the benefit of my kids and bettering myself, I know I show this strong independent woman but I also have my low moments and I guess in my own way, I try not to disappoint people who see that in me, so sharing my vulnerability is hard, so I thank y'all for not changing the way you see me. I appreciate all the conversations we have and all the laughs we share, our bond grows each passing day and I  wouldn't want it any other way.

Love y'all,

Fly Peacock 🦚

A bit of me

A bit of me....

So today I’ve been sitting here in my bed thinking of what part of my life I want to write about, so many things I know I need to get out of me but can’t seem to have a beginning, middle or end.... I guess when your mind is so clouded with weary thoughts, problems that needs solutions, sense of security, plan of action... etc is harder to find a way to relax and not stress.

I’ve been trying for the past 6 months to not fall into a hole of despair, because I just had a beautiful baby girl plus I have my 6 year old princess as well, I have to be strong for them, but it’s so hard knowing you have a partner that is not there mentally and emotionally. It’s a scary thought knowing that your support is yourself, it’s like you’re a single married parent. I have searched for help and I’m still working on it but it does take 2 to tango, I haven’t prayed in so many years, but knowing I want a healthy life mentally and spiritually that I am praying for God to give me the strength to continue my day to day task with a newborn and 6 year old, also to guide me in what to do to fight for my marriage, help my partner be a better husband and father, help me understand the process and trust in him that whatever he has plan for me and my girls would be the best for us. I know I’m not the most spiritual person but I have to pray to the higher power to help me not crumble, things, problems, situations are temporary but my kids happiness and mine are THE most important thing.

I hope I can change my current situation and have a better outlook on things. I will continue  searching for help, might get a therapist to help me battle with my own frustrations and mental health so I can be a better person, daughter, mother, sister, friend, wife. I know I might be battling with anxiety and maybe even depression and I’m not ashamed to admit it to myself because I want to be a better version and hopefully help my partner as well, but if I can’t get him to be better, I’ll know I did everything I could for us and myself because at the end of the day I’m doing it for my girls. 

I believe that what I’m going through is temporary (hopefully). I  know this too shall pass... I have faith my circumstances will change for the better no matter which way it’ll take me. I will stay positive in my dark moments. 

Back to the Blog

Hey Everyone!

So it’s been forever since I’ve used this, even though this blog was meant for a class I took back in 2016, I’ve decided to use it now to vent through my day to day struggles with parenting, marriage, self worth, anxiety, depression behaviors, etc. I’ve been thinking of a healthy way and safe way to fully vent my struggles without annoying or being a broken record to people I talk to (at least that’s what I think) I will probably do some videos as well just because sometimes I just need to vomit all my frustrations rather than writing them, (also someone told me to try it 🙃) and sometimes I think it’ll be better than just calling or texting someone that probably has heard this before. I’m definitely getting outside of my comfort zone just to try my own way of therapy, and see how it works so please don’t judge me, and yes I’ll still probably vent to my people still but I just want to try a different outlet.

Also, I decided to leave my previous blog post (for now) because those were class related that maybe I will go back and read (eventually) and maybe help me see the perspectives I had back then on some topics and see if my mind has changed.  I’ll probably end up deleting them but who knows. My blog used to be called Spring Tech Freak since the class was in spring and having an online blog was new to me and like I said out of my comfort zone, so again bare with me....

But welcome to the new blog called “Confessions of a Venting Freak” reason why I chose that is because I always need to vent to someone and I believe sometimes it’s too much so it can be freaky so why not write about it right?!... uuufff here we go.... 🤞🏼