So today I’ve been sitting here in my bed thinking of what part of my life I want to write about, so many things I know I need to get out of me but can’t seem to have a beginning, middle or end.... I guess when your mind is so clouded with weary thoughts, problems that needs solutions, sense of security, plan of action... etc is harder to find a way to relax and not stress.
I’ve been trying for the past 6 months to not fall into a hole of despair, because I just had a beautiful baby girl plus I have my 6 year old princess as well, I have to be strong for them, but it’s so hard knowing you have a partner that is not there mentally and emotionally. It’s a scary thought knowing that your support is yourself, it’s like you’re a single married parent. I have searched for help and I’m still working on it but it does take 2 to tango, I haven’t prayed in so many years, but knowing I want a healthy life mentally and spiritually that I am praying for God to give me the strength to continue my day to day task with a newborn and 6 year old, also to guide me in what to do to fight for my marriage, help my partner be a better husband and father, help me understand the process and trust in him that whatever he has plan for me and my girls would be the best for us. I know I’m not the most spiritual person but I have to pray to the higher power to help me not crumble, things, problems, situations are temporary but my kids happiness and mine are THE most important thing.
I hope I can change my current situation and have a better outlook on things. I will continue searching for help, might get a therapist to help me battle with my own frustrations and mental health so I can be a better person, daughter, mother, sister, friend, wife. I know I might be battling with anxiety and maybe even depression and I’m not ashamed to admit it to myself because I want to be a better version and hopefully help my partner as well, but if I can’t get him to be better, I’ll know I did everything I could for us and myself because at the end of the day I’m doing it for my girls.
I believe that what I’m going through is temporary (hopefully). I know this too shall pass... I have faith my circumstances will change for the better no matter which way it’ll take me. I will stay positive in my dark moments.
I’ve been trying for the past 6 months to not fall into a hole of despair, because I just had a beautiful baby girl plus I have my 6 year old princess as well, I have to be strong for them, but it’s so hard knowing you have a partner that is not there mentally and emotionally. It’s a scary thought knowing that your support is yourself, it’s like you’re a single married parent. I have searched for help and I’m still working on it but it does take 2 to tango, I haven’t prayed in so many years, but knowing I want a healthy life mentally and spiritually that I am praying for God to give me the strength to continue my day to day task with a newborn and 6 year old, also to guide me in what to do to fight for my marriage, help my partner be a better husband and father, help me understand the process and trust in him that whatever he has plan for me and my girls would be the best for us. I know I’m not the most spiritual person but I have to pray to the higher power to help me not crumble, things, problems, situations are temporary but my kids happiness and mine are THE most important thing.
I hope I can change my current situation and have a better outlook on things. I will continue searching for help, might get a therapist to help me battle with my own frustrations and mental health so I can be a better person, daughter, mother, sister, friend, wife. I know I might be battling with anxiety and maybe even depression and I’m not ashamed to admit it to myself because I want to be a better version and hopefully help my partner as well, but if I can’t get him to be better, I’ll know I did everything I could for us and myself because at the end of the day I’m doing it for my girls.
I believe that what I’m going through is temporary (hopefully). I know this too shall pass... I have faith my circumstances will change for the better no matter which way it’ll take me. I will stay positive in my dark moments.
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