I know I haven’t posted in a really long time and a lot has happened so… I will try to not overwhelm you with soo many words but I do have to talk about this. So no guarantees… I’ll try to separate it in parts, I promise… ANYWAYS
Like I said before my last post, a lot changed in my life, work, kids, home and marriage, things changed. Even though there was a point in my life where I thought I would never be happy again, I was. Let me explain, I met this guy couple months after me and my ex decided that we were done. I started talking to him like everybody else does when they meet somebody nowadays, texts, calls, video chat, etc… At the beginning, I was afraid of being completely honest of who I was and what was my situation, but I really didn’t have anything else to offer but who I am. So I was very honest and clear about my situation; still legally married, having two kids, one being under two (back then) Trying to figure out my situation, trying to find stability, working hard, making goals, everything and anything that I thought about and what I wanted to achieve. He understood, and Our relationship began.
For several months, I’m not gonna lie, it was wonderful! I feel like I finally made it! found the one, found the person that understood me, my goals, what I wanted to do for my family, and he wanted to be by my side and grow. Little did I know, the whole ordeal that was about to go down.
But before I tell you about that’s downward spiral, let me tell you why I thought he was the one. See for a very long time, in my past relationships, I have felt like I wasn’t enough, like I reach a certain level but not THE level. I can be this type of person, but not THE person (Meaning lifelong partnership) I do everything I could possibly think of, be the best person I can and still fail. Well when him and I started, everything felt organic, natural and right. Everything we did just worked! We moved in unison, where he went, I went! My thought were his same, we made each other better in so many aspects in our lives, It was like the perfect piece to the puzzle. We took care of each other in every way you can possibly imagine. It was like he was THE one, MY true love, MY soulmate.
I made it right?! Well not quite, I didn’t realize how much I was giving and how little I was receiving. And I don’t mean in all the other aspects I just mentioned, but in the aspects that really matter to have a long lasting relationship. Honesty, Communication, Trust and Understanding. See, I didn’t have a problem in sharing all that because, remember, I didn’t have anything else to offer, everything inside of me was broken, felt unworthy, and honestly, he met me in my lowest point of my life. But he understood where I was and where I wanted to be, and he took my hand, and lifted me up. He showed me what it was to feel loved, what it is to feel secured, what it feels like to be in a team/partnership. He showed me everything I wanted/needed. For months we would talk about everything and anything! “No holds back”. And that made me feel like we had it all! Everyone around us even thought that we got the jackpot! His friends, mine… even my girls were loving towards him.
But see, I haven’t always been the best person and have made mistakes, I know I’m not a saint and never did anything wrong, of course I have! I’m juman! BUT… I finally felt like my Karma was broken and done! I had paid my deeds and it was time to be in a REAL ASS adult relationship! And I had it! I finally felt like I was being in a mature adult relationship! Crazy huh? I guess Karma still had one more up her sleeve.
Here I go again, hopelessly in love and giving my all! when just after my ex and I said quits, I felt that in that moment, I was actually done, no more, not meant for me and just forever single. But no… he came like a wreaking ball, and just like that, took all my walls down, my insecurities, my sadness, my sense of hopelessness and gave me life. Little did I know, he also took all I had to give…
To be continued…
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